“What do I know?” said a master family therapist in mock self-deprecation, “I’m just the grandmother!” One of her grandchildren had a learning disability, which she–a well-known and respected professional–knew a great deal about, both professionally and personally, because she had also raised a son who had an LD. She now saw similar signs in her grandson. “But they don’t ask my opinion,” she said of her older son and daughter-in-law,” so I don’t offer.”
Many modern grandmas find themselves in similar positions.
Grandma was once a kindly lady whose “career” was motherhood, and as the children left the nest, her life grew increasingly smaller. Not so the current crop of grandmothers, many of whom have adult children and PhD’s. Gail Sheehey calls them “fly-in” grandmothers. They’re constantly on the run, now juggling their multiple interests and responsibilities with randmotherhood. The irony is that strangers consult them, but their grown children don’t.
What a shame–and what a wasted resource. Whether you’re dealing with a learning disability, an eating disorder, or some other type of parenting issue, your mother might have invaluable information both as a mother and as a professional. So here are some guidelines for both generations that might help. (more…)