Mother U

It’s the pose that gets me.  He looks so old.  I can’t even see his face, but I know that’s my first grandson, son of my first born.  When I look at that photo, I see pages of the calendar flying into space, the way they showed the passage of time in old movies.   I remember the Before.  When Jen was pregnant, I was happy, but the idea of becoming a grandmother didn’t please me.  How could it?  I didn’t know what that meant, any more than a preganant women knows what it will mean to be a mother.  All I could think about were the images of kindly, white-haired old ladies, knitting booties, waiting for the next visit.  That’s not me, I thought.  I have a life, a career, places to go, people to see–and I’m certainly not old. I was sure I’d love him or her, but I didn’t really get what all the fuss about grandchildren was about. (more…)