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Archive for June, 2010

Mother to Daughter: What kind of car did you rent?

Friday, June 25th, 2010

…and other minutiae that interests me about my daughter’s life.

Am I too invested?  I don’t think so.  That’s how lots of mothers of my generation relate to their  daughters: as  chums.

So when she takes a family vacation, we text.  She lets me know she arrived safely, and I ask, “Why kind of car did  you rent?” (more…)

New on The Buzz: Not Tonight, Dear!

Monday, June 14th, 2010

Does this description–from sex therapist Gina Ogden’s Return of Desire: A Guide to Rediscovering Your Sexual Passion–sound familiar?

You have a new baby. You are tired. You’ve made it through labor and delivery, which was challenging enough, and now you’re up day and night with your newborn. You have morphed from an independent adult who calls the shots into someone you hardly recognize. Who is this woman lurching around in slippers, leaking from just about every orifice, and what is this new chapter in her life?  Sexual desire feels like something that used to happen to somebody else—a woman you vaguely remember as vibrant and playful and ready to make love until dawn.
What’s wrong with this picture?  Why do new moms—and some seasoned moms, too—so often turn away from the very sensual and sexual urges that led them to make the love that created their babies?  Bringing children into this world is a miracle, the ultimate generative act.  But it introduces changes and sometimes challenges to every aspect of our lives, including our capacity for sexual response and intimacy.

Is your sex life languishing since the baby (babies?) arrived? You’re not alone.   Ogden has some sage advice about bringing romance and intimacy back into your life.

New on The Buzz: Need Help with Your Mother/Daughter-in-law?

Wednesday, June 9th, 2010

Whether you love your mother/daughter-in-law to pieces, or you secretly wish she lived in another country, you’ll get some good pointers from this latest addition to the MotherU Buzz, What’s a Mother/Daughter-in-law To Do, written by sociologist Deborah M. Merrill.   The advice is drawn from her book, Mothers-in-law and Daughters-in-law: Understanding the Relationship and What Makes Them Friends or Foe.   Merrill, a daughter-in-law herself, explains that she was drawn to the subject personally as well as professionally:   

There were two things that drew me to this topic. I am a family sociologist, and I think that the mother-in-law/daughter-in-law relationship is one of the more fascinating and unique of the various family relationships. This is because you are expected to treat one another like family and assume all of the obligations of an adult child even before you get to know one another and without all of the benefits of family, such as having a shared history.
I was also interested because of my own experiences as a daughter-in-law. We live in a society with a high divorce rate. Like many other women today, I have two mothers-in-law in my life. I have never quite understood why my relationship with my mother-in-law (i.e., my husband’s mother) is so much more difficult than my relationship with my father-in-law and step-mother-in-law. I wanted to hear about other women’s experiences: how they handled the role and how well they got along with their in-laws. I wondered whether or not I was alone in expecting to be a part of my mother-in-law’s family and feeling that I was on the outside looking in on it.